How should I go about establishing boundaries with my toddler?
Boundaries are the building blocks for raising a good-mannered and self-assured child. If a child does not have boundaries and is not taught how to behave properly, they may experience difficulties with friends, and later, in school. This may well impact the development of your toddler's self-esteem. When setting boundaries, it's important to keep in mind the following:
- If your first "no" did not work, repeat your instruction and explain it to your toddler. "Don't touch the kettle, you may hurt your hand."
- Encourage another activity, away from the kettle. Toddlers don't always have great impulse control and may not really understand why you are saying "no."
- Be consistent. If touching the kettle was not allowed yesterday, but nothing was said today, your toddler may be confused.
- Be patient. Your toddler's memory and brain development is not the same as yours, so be patient if they touch the kettle again. Be prepared to keep repeating the boundaries for your toddler.
My baby cries for me after I leave for work. What can I do?
In the first months of your baby's life "out of sight, out of mind" is really true. If you are playing with a toy and then take it away, for your baby, it's as if it never existed. Your baby has now reached a developmental milestone known as "object permanence." When you go away, your baby remembers you. If your baby is around 8 months and being left with an unfamiliar person, they may also be experiencing stranger anxiety - which is the upset they feel when they meet new people that they do not know. The following suggestions should help with these temporary transitions:
- Help your baby understand that you go away but you always come back by playing games like peek-a-boo.
- Have your baby sitter come to your home and play with your baby before leaving them alone for the first time.
- Show that you are happy to see your babysitter and confident if your choice of babysitter, as you baby may pick up your feelings.
How do I prepare my toddler for our new baby?
Start by accepting that you cannot completely prepare your toddler for your new baby but the following suggestions may help.
- Read books to your toddler about the arrival of a new baby.
- Provide opportunities for your toddler and another caregiver to spend time alone. This will help your toddler get used to being with other people when you need to tend to your new baby.
- Spend time with other babies to let your toddler get used to having a baby around.
- Try not to introduce new changes into their life at the same time as your baby arrives, such as a new babysitter or starting nursery school, as your toddler may feel replaced.
- Encourage your toddler to become involved in the preparations for your new baby, to help them feel included.
Dr Elaine Ryan is a Chartered Psychologist. You can ask her questions on her website http://mytherapist.ie
